My dirty little secrete ………

So i have been struggling see something  was not going to mention on this blog but now feel i should. I have PTSD suffer from flashbacks and night terror. See i was sexually abused as a child from the age of 3 to the age of 13. i am sure some of you  reading this know what that like. its  horrible, terrifying and degrading make you feel powerless and weak along with feelings of guilt and shame.any ways I struggle with this a lots i have done my share of therapy believe you me. bu still ever spring i get flooded spring was the last time i saw my abuser wen i went to court and mine and my abuser birthday same day i have been dealing with a flood of memories  on a daily basis the last three weeks.too add to it i have been hallucinating  my abuser entering my room at night and hearing his voice at time he turns into demon then disappears i scare me im far from over this i wish i knew how to move on but I don’t know if my mind will let me.  I feel fragile  like my mind could be lost forever.